Alan Rudolph
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
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Gambling Addiction Guide & 8+ Helpful Tips to Stop
Posted on May 20, 2020 at 1:21 PM |
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Gambling Addiction Guide & 8+ Helpful Tips to Stop By Liam Wilson Psychiatry experts describe
addiction as a brain disorder that involves repeating certain actions despite
negative consequences on health and well-being. The statistics aren’t
encouraging as it indicates that gambling addiction is among the most common
addiction forms these days. The reason behind it is a large
number of land-based gaming facilities throughout the world. Additionally, you
have numerous online gambling websites offering lottery, betting, and casino
games. Although these games can be a fun way to spend leisure time, it is
essential to be careful. Here is what you need to know about gambling addiction
and how to stop it! What
Is a Gambling Addiction? Gambling addiction is a mental
disorder where you cannot control your behavior and stop gambling even when you
aware that it affects your health and wellness negatively. Just like a person
addicted to substances cannot stop using them, a gambler cannot stop playing.
Gambling addiction also shares similarities with impulse-control disorders like
kleptomania or pyromania. According to statistics, only the
United Kingdom has around 600,000 gamblers dealing with addiction. The data
indicates that more than 2% of players in the United States have a certain type
of addiction to gambling. It is a growing problem that shouldn’t be taken
lightly. That is why it is crucial to recognize the issue on time and take the
required steps to deal with it. What
Are the Main Gambling Addiction Types? Scientists recognize three different
gambling addiction types, and not all of them manifest the same symptoms. Here is an overview of the most
common addiction types:
Is
Gambling Addiction a Serious Problem? Yes, gambling addiction is a serious
problem, and it is imperative to deal with it as soon as possible. It is
crucial not to push addiction issues under the carpet since that could make
them worse. Gambling addiction can significantly
affect the gambler’s quality of life, as well as their family, partners, and
friends. That is why you should give your best to recognize the symptoms
promptly, especially in the case of compulsive gambling. It is hard to say how many gamblers
have an addiction form since many of them use self-help options to deal with
the problem. The experts believe that 2-3% of all players deal with some form
of addiction. How
Gambling Affects Your Life It is not an exaggeration when
someone says that gambling addiction can change your entire life. Take a look
at how it could affect you! 1.
Mental health The critical thing to consider is
how gambling issues affect your mental health. Gamblers focus only on playing
their favorite game and often forget other aspects of their lives. That means
they might not be able to focus on job tasks, miss important events, etc. Gambling addiction itself is a brain
disorder, which means it affects your state of mind. In many cases, mental
problems are the reason why people become addicted to gambling. It is also
common that a mental health issue occurs after developing a gambling addiction. 2.
Relationships It is the people that are close to
the gambler that is the most affected by their negative habit. It might start
by forgetting about your partner’s birthday or missing family dinner. Things
could take a turn for the worse when loans, lying and stealing to find time and
money to play. Gambling issues could cost you the entire relationship with your
partner, and make you distant from your family and friends. 3.
Finances Finances might be a category that
takes the first hit once you enter gambling problems. Not being able to stop
and not winning anything means you need to invest more money. It is only a
matter of time when you will start taking cash that was supposed to be used for
other things. Gamblers frequently take loans, miss payments for their home, or
even sell the property to acquire funds. What
Are the Signs of a Gambling Addiction? Do you think your friend, or a
family member developed a gambling addiction? Would you like to test yourself
to ensure you are not addicted? Here is the list of the most
frequent signs that you developed negative gambling habits. 1.
Always Thinking About Gambling It might be your friend’s birthday,
and the atmosphere is great. You might have an important work task, but you
can’t concentrate because you are thinking about playing casino games. If you
are trying to focus on other activities, but you can’t stop imagining visiting a
gaming facility, that is among the initial signs of a gambling problem. 2.
Developed Gambling Tolerance It used to be enough to invest a
couple of dollars and feel the excitement. However, you’ve discovered that you
now need more money to experience the adrenaline rush. The experts explain this
by the term “gambling tolerance.” The more you play, the more money you invest. The first time you invest a big sum,
everything changes. Investing small sums doesn’t do the trick anymore, and that
can be dangerous for your finances. 3.
No Control Over the Losses You set a gambling budget so that it
doesn’t affect your daily routine or threaten your loan repayment rate.
However, once you lost the chosen sum, you realized that you want to continue
playing. It all started by taking a tiny portion of the funds important to you.
Before you know it, you lose the entire salary or savings. Not being able to
control your losses is a sign of a gambling problem and an issue that could
ruin your life. 4.
Gambling Is a Way to Escape Reality Things are not going great in your
life. Your company might have fired you recently, or your partner broke up with
you. Going through a rough patch in life makes gambling a fun way to escape
reality. In those situations, it can be easy to develop a habit and get
yourself into more problems. 5.
Experiencing Withdrawal Symptoms You spend hours a day playing your
favorite games. Once you stop, it makes you feel nervous, sad, and depressed.
You are anxious to return to gambling, as that is the only thing that soothes
you. That is a sign you are going through withdrawal symptoms when not playing.
If you compare how you feel about the feelings of a person withdrawing from
substance abuse, you will find out the two are similar. 6.
Lying to Others Admitting that you have a gambling
problem is hard. You have problems confessing to yourself, and you certainly
don’t want others to know. However, if you are going the extra mile to hide
from others that you are gambling, that might be a problem. That is especially
true if you lie about being sick to miss your friend’s birthday so that you can
gamble. 7.
Stealing from Others If you are ready to steal money or
valuable items for others to acquire gambling founds, it might indicate that
you are in a serious problem. Stealing from your friends is immoral, and
stealing from others is illegal. Either way, it is crucial not to let yourself
do something like this. And if it happens, it is a surefire indicator that you
have gambling issues. How
to Deal with Gambling Addiction You have several approaches when it
comes to dealing with gambling addiction:
Can
You Help Another Person Addicted to Gambling? Did you notice that your friend has
gambling issues? Is your partner spending hours and losing a lot of money on
playing casino and other games? The first step in helping someone is
to recognize that they have a problem. The next is to understand which steps
will truly help them. Covering them for hours while they head to a gaming
facility won’t assist the gambler fight with their addiction. Loaning them the
money is also pointless because they will probably lose it. Start by finding the right way of
telling them you think they are addicted. Don’t be judgmental, but pinpoint
that you would like to help. Recommend potential ways of treatment, such as
group support and counseling with a professional. Compulsive
Gambling Stages According to experts, a compulsive
gambler will go through four stages:
What
Are the Risk Factors for a Gambling Addiction? Are some people at more risk of
becoming addicted to gambling than others? The answer is yes, which is why you
should take the time to understand the risk factors. Gambling
Availability Some countries ban gambling, which means
you can only play illegally. That reduces the overall number of players, as
well as those addicted. But the majority of countries legalized gambling, and
you can play in both online and land-based facilities. That means you can
access a gaming platform around the clock, which makes it easier to get hooked. Confidence
Overload Nobody plays a game without hoping
that they will win. However, those having overconfidence issues might be at
more risk for gambling addiction. They believe they will win every time, which
makes it easy for them to start losing money and get addicted. Impulsivity Gambling addiction is an impulse
control disorder, and people who tend to act impulsively are more prone to it
than others. That factor can be quite risky if it is combined with
overconfidence. Rough
Life Patches Whether you are out of work, or you
lost a beloved person, you might need a way to escape reality. Some people see
gambling as the way to do that, which makes rough life patches and feeling
vulnerable a risk factor for addiction. Economic
Status Did you know that people who earn a
lot of money tend to act more responsible when it comes to gambling? It depends
on the individual, but those with low earnings might resort to gambling to
improve their economic status. Genetics
and Family Factors Some experts claim that those who
have parents with a gambling addiction are more prone to developing one.
Research indicates that those coming from a family where there are records of
gambling addiction, alcoholism, and substance abuse are more likely to get
hooked to gambling. Also, the earlier you start playing, the more odds you have
to develop an addiction. Are
Age and Gender Risk Factors for Becoming a Gambler? People of both genders and all ages
can develop a gambling addiction. However, it seems that teens and the elderly
are the most vulnerable groups. Teens try gambling because they want to look
cool, but they might have a hard time putting it under control. Elderly people
might be having a hard time making peace with the fact they are retired or
going through a divorce, which triggers gambling addiction. As for gender, more men are addicted
to gambling at this moment. However, the number of women is increasing every
day. Common
Gambling Addiction Myths If you are going to overcome or help
someone deal with a gambling addiction, it is important to understand the
disorder. Take a look at the most common misconceptions people have about this
condition. 1.
Addiction Requires Gambling Every Day A gambler might be a fan of a
particular lottery game. They might like playing in a specific casino, or they
only bet on basketball. The gambling events might not occur every day for the
gambler to be addicted. The crucial criteria for determining it is the
frequency of wagering and sums invested. 2.
It Is Not a Problem If It Doesn’t Cause Financial Issues for the Gambler Rich people might be able to afford
huge losses. However, that doesn’t mean gambling addiction can’t affect your
life otherwise. You could experience mental health problems like anxiety and
depression, and ruin relationships with other persons. The point is that
addiction has severe consequences that could go far beyond finances. 3.
Gambling Addiction Happens to Unintelligent People Who Don’t Have a Strong Will Addiction plays with your brain, and
even the smartest and strongest people are vulnerable. For example, if you are
a math wizard, you might overthink and trick yourself that it is possible to
design a strategy to guarantee a win. It is crucial to note that people of
all ages, genders, nationalities, social statuses, education levels, and
intelligence levels can become addicted. 4.
You Should Help a Gambler Get Out of Financial Problems If you give money to a gambler, the
chances are they will lose it quickly. That is no long-term solution, and it
only supports their addiction. Instead of doing that, recommend them to consult
a therapist or start attending group support. How
to Help Yourself If You Have a Gambling Problem Although gambling addiction is a
serious problem, you can overcome it! However, you need to be persistent and
ready to invest plenty of time and effort. Here is a list of tips that could
help you in overcoming gambling problems! 1.
Admit You Have a Problem Everything starts by admitting that
you have a problem. As long as you are rejecting the idea that your gambling is
an issue for yourself in others, it will be hard to get better. Once you
understand you have a problem, you can work on the right moves to deal with it. 2.
Understand That It Will Be Hard The second step goes hand in hand
with the first one, and it involves discovering the reason why you are
gambling. It might be the adrenaline rush, escape from reality, but also the
desire to win and improve your finances or life overall. The thing to understand is that it
is virtually impossible to beat an addiction until you start realizing the
opponent’s strength. It is important to get ready for the battle and doing
whatever is necessary to put your life in control again. 3.
Join a Support Group It is always better to have people
by your side than going through a tough period alone. That is why you should
consider joining a support group. If staying anonymous is important, you can
look for online support groups. Apart from classic meetings, you can
also join classic programs. Gamblers Anonymous implement a 12-step rehab
program similar to the one when withdrawing from alcohol. These meetings occur
weekly, and you discuss your progress during the recovery. 4.
Visit a Therapist If you feel like you could use extra
support, there is no reason why you wouldn’t visit a therapist. Look for a
professional counselor who has experience in the gambling industry. Alternatively, your therapy doesn’t
have to focus on gambling. If you feel your relationships have suffered, you
can attend couples therapy. Professionals can always assist to go through a
rough patch and repair relationships. 5.
Are Medications a Solution? Addiction plays with your brain and
might make you anxious and depressed. It might be easier to handle the cravings
with medications that would replicate the hormones producing while you are
gambling. A medical professional like a
psychiatrist can analyze your current situation, and whether there is a need
for medication. 6.
Organize Your Schedule The idea is simple – if you spend
time doing something else, you cannot gamble. That is why it is essential to
organize your schedule to the smallest detail. Apart from work, try to fill it
up with as many fun and exciting activities as possible. The idea is to
preoccupy your brain and stop it from thinking about gambling. 7.
Handling Gambling Cravings and Potential Alternatives Be prepared to experience gamble
cravings occasionally. Once that time comes, it will take a lot of strength to
push through them. It might be wise to look for
alternatives that provide a similar feeling:
8.
How to Treat Gambling Addiction Here is an in-depth look at how you
can treat gambling addiction by visiting various professionals:
Can
Family Members Help a Person Who Has Gambling Problems? If a gambler is beyond the point
where they can help themselves, family members can be of assistance. Everything
starts by protecting yourself, and that includes both your finances and
emotions. That is especially true if you are part of the same household. You
will need to keep things under control, which is why taking care of yourself is
imperative. You can consider asking for help
from other family members or friends. It might be a problem to admit that someone
close to you has a problem, but the more help you have, the easier you will
push through the problem. Don’t forget to set limits for money
spending, and never agree to loan money to the gambler. You can consider a loan
to pay their debts, but insist that you make the payment even then. Remember,
gamblers might be lying about why they need money. It is important to stay
strong and reject all their requests Tips
for Gamblers’ Partners
Frequently Asked Questions Q:
I had a lapse while dealing with gambling problems. What should I do? A: Lapses are normal because
fighting an addiction is difficult. Talk to your mentor, support group, or a
trusted person. The important thing is to keep going and ensure lapses are
minimized. Q:
My partner has a gambling addiction, and they are mentioning suicide. What
should I do? A: Always take any suicidal
thoughts seriously. Find a national helpline for suicide prevention or consult
a medical professional that specializes in that area. Q:
I feel guilty that my partner started gambling. What should I do? A: Understand that, as adults, we
all take responsibility for our own actions. Gamblers might try to rationalize
their bad habit by blaming other people or their surroundings. The truth is that
they are the only ones to blame. Regardless, you should find a way to help them
deal with the issue. Final
Thoughts We underline once again that
gambling addiction is a serious problem. That issue can affect your finances,
relationships, mental health, and overall quality of life. The critical thing is to recognize
addiction, whether it is in yourself or a person close to you. From that point,
you can consider the right steps to fight it. Always remember to count on your
friends and family, but don’t hesitate to rely on helplines and medical
professionals for additional support! |
A Psychotherapist Goes To Therapy — And Gets A Taste Of Her Own Medicine
Posted on March 30, 2019 at 2:29 PM |
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A Psychotherapist Goes To Therapy — And Gets A Taste Of Her Own Medicine This is a link to "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross. If you would like to get a stronger sense of therapy, you might find this episode useful and enjoyable: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/03/28/707561940/a-psychotherapist-goes-to-therapy-and-gets-a-taste-of-her-own-medicine |
Why Won’t My Therapist Just Tell Me What to Do?
Posted on September 15, 2017 at 3:15 PM |
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Why Won’t My Therapist Just Tell Me What to Do? Dear Therapist, I’m a woman who’s about to turn 30
and started therapy for the first time last year. I went because it became
apparent that what I thought was just “me” was actually “me with depression,”
and therapy has really helped me acknowledge it and start to work through
it. Now for maybe the first time in my life I know what it feels like not
to be moody all the time (I used to think this was “normal”) and that’s been
amazing. My point is that therapy has been useful and even life-changing —
except for one thing. I don’t understand why my therapist
won’t give me advice! Obviously, I don’t mean all the time, but I feel that in
certain situations, she could tell me what she thinks but won’t. She knows that
one of my issues is that I didn’t get guidance growing up — that I basically
had to figure everything out on my own because my parents either didn’t know
they should be advising me (for example, leaving my college search completely
to me) or they gave me inappropriate advice (once I almost lost a friend after
taking their advice when I was too young to know how bad their advice really
was). It’s not that my parents aren’t
well-meaning people. It’s just that in many ways they’re clueless. They
consistently made bad decisions in their own lives (some were disastrous, like
almost losing our house) so when it came to my own life — friends, dating,
college, grad school, career — I didn’t have role models or mentors in my
parents the way most of my friends did. To be fair to my therapist, I
understand that I’m not a child anymore and that she wants me to figure things
out on my own as an adult, and I get that — up to a point. But if it’s a simple
question, something practical or something that isn’t a deep psychological
issue, why not just say what she thinks? I’m talking about the kinds of
questions people my age routinely ask their parents’ advice on all the time:
Does it makes sense to buy a place now since I can afford it, or should I keep
my rent-controlled apartment until I’m more settled with a family? Or, if a guy
that an acquaintance at work dated for a few months over a year ago is asking
me out, is it okay to accept even though this acquaintance will probably be
unhappy about it? I just want to know what she would
suggest — not that I’d necessarily do that, but at least I’d have the opinion
of a stable adult I trust. Since you’re a therapist with an
advice column, do you ever give people advice in therapy? You must have
opinions about whether people should break up with their boyfriends or
girlfriends, stop talking to a friend, or (hint, hint) buy a home now or wait to
be more settled. Do you ever share this with your patients? And if not,
why not give them your perspective? I find this part of therapy so frustrating. Not Asking for Much Dear Not Asking for Much, Guess what? I’m going to give you
some advice. Here’s what I think you should do: 1. Buy a place now. 2. Go on the date. But wait — before you take that
advice, let me give you one last piece of advice: Please don’t take my advice.
Because if you do, you’re likely to end up as disappointed with me as you were
with your parents. My advice — like your parents’ or even your therapist’s
(were she to give it) — may be well-meaning, but it won’t help you in the ways
that you hope. For one, despite my good intentions,
whatever I suggest will be mediated by my own biases and life experiences. So
while I took your living situation into account, it’s also true that I advised
you to buy a place partly because I bought my first home in my 30s and in
hindsight I wish I’d bought earlier. In other words, my advice was clouded by
my personal beliefs about real-estate appreciation. Likewise, I suggested that
you go on the date because if it were me — if I were almost 30 and
really liked a guy and wasn’t close to a woman who briefly dated him over a
year ago — I’d go on the date. But you might have different ideas, values, and
tolerance for any potential fallout. What might be a good idea for me might be
a disaster for you. And by giving you advice, I might be projecting my own
values and beliefs about the world onto you, rather than helping you to gain a
stronger sense of your own. There’s always going to be a gap
between what the therapist might advise, and what’s best for the patient. A
therapist might see a couple and think they should divorce, but some people
prefer to be in a highly conflictual marriage than to be alone, no matter how
much the therapist might personally champion being alone for a time over a
highly conflictual marriage where one partner refuses to change. Our patients’
lives are theirs to live, not ours. Our patients’ lives are theirs to
live, not ours. Even so, you’re not alone in wanting
your therapist to tell you what to do. I’m asked all the time questions like
which job a person should take, whether they should have another kid or freeze
their eggs, and whether they should go to their chaotic family’s house for the
holidays or do something more pleasant instead. And when I don’t meet that
desire, it can feel like I’m sadistically withholding “the answer” that, in
their view, I can easily provide and that will solve their pressing problem. One of the surprises of becoming a
therapist has been how often people want to be told exactly what to do, as if I
have the “right answer” — or as if “right” or “wrong” answers exist for the
bulk of choices we make in our daily lives. Taped up over my desk is the word ultracrepidarianism,
which means “the habit of giving opinions and advice on matters outside of
one’s knowledge or competence.” As a therapist, I’m trained to understand
people and help them sort out what they want to do, but I can’t make
their life choices for them. I’m not a real-estate specialist, career
counselor or, most important, soothsayer. Part of what people want from my
advice is relief from uncertainty — if my therapist says X, I don’t have to
sit with my anxiety around ambiguity. But one thing that’s certain
about life is its uncertainty, and the inability to tolerate the uncertainty of
what will happen if they decide X or Y or Z leaves people trapped in
indecision. Learning to slow down and reflect on their choices and
anticipate the potential consequences of their actions helps to decrease their
anxiety in the long-term. Taking a therapist’s advice alleviates anxiety
in the moment, but it won’t last. Early in my training, I felt
tremendous pressure to give advice of the benign (or so I thought) sort, until
I realized that people resent being told what to do. Yes, they may ask —
repeatedly, relentlessly — but after you actually tell them, their initial
relief is often replaced by resentment. This happens even if things go
swimmingly, because ultimately humans want to have agency over their lives,
which is why children spend their childhoods begging to make their own
decisions rather than have them made for them. But if you were a certain kind of
child, a child like you, NAFM, a child who had to make decisions for yourself
before you were ready — either because nobody offered, or you couldn’t trust
the advice you got — decision-making and the agency that comes with it may feel
crippling. Instead of asking for more freedom on the way to adulthood, this
type of child will likely grow up and plead to have that freedom taken away. So you ask your therapist: Should I
do this? Should I do that? C’mon, just tell me: What would you do? Behind these questions lies the
assumption that your therapist is a more competent human being than you are.
The thinking goes: Who am I to make the important decisions in my own life?
Am I really qualified for this? Your therapist, on the other hand, is
believed to be the expert, the surrogate parent, the One Who Knows Best. And
you are the child in the adult body who fantasizes about how nice it would feel
to abdicate all of your responsibility and let a capable adult do the heavy
lifting of making hard choices. Even if it goes badly, having somebody else
decide seems safer. What a relief to be able to blame someone else for a wrong
decision, so that the pain of a bad outcome isn’t amplified by having been the
one to create the “mistake” in the first place. (And thus think: Oh, God, I’m
just like my parents — I make terrible decisions!) That’s a deceptive kind of
protection, though, because your therapist’s advice will actually make you feel
angry and unsafe. You may beg, plead, and cajole until your therapist, at 5
p.m. on a Friday, is so worn down that despite herself, she offers the advice
you want. And your first reaction might be elation! Finally! Initially, you
might feel supported and taken care of in a way you didn’t with your parents. But what might you do with this
nugget, this actual therapist-given, expert-approved, and longed-for gift of
concrete advice? Despite getting exactly what you asked for, you might not do
it. You might procrastinate, coming up with all sorts of reasons why you haven’t
gotten around to it yet. And then you’ll feel bad for not doing it. And you’ll
start to think, I feel bad because my therapist made me feel bad by trying
to tell me what to do. How dare she! I’m not doing this, dammit, just because
she told me so. Who is she to boss me around? And you’ll sit on her couch
every Friday at five, not telling her that you didn’t do the thing she
suggested, because you resent her for intruding on your voice, for making you
feel like your own opinion doesn’t matter; and on top of that you’ll be
consumed by the shame you feel for displeasing her by not doing the thing she
wants — which is what this whole interaction will have gotten twisted into in
your mind, even though the ostensible point of her giving the advice was to please
you, not her. In the end, nobody’s happy. That’s why getting advice is not the
solution to your problems, NAFM. Underlying all this hand-wringing about what
to do with your apartment and the guy who asked you out and the dozens of other
pieces of advice you may have pushed for is your therapist’s hope that you will
leave her. Not now, but when you’re ready, and her goal in each and every
session is to help you get ready. From Day One, we are thinking about how to
get our patients to leave us, not because we don’t care, but because we do. We
don’t want you to struggle so much. We want you to learn to trust yourself. We
want you to stop asking us to play God with your life because we are not gods.
We are mortals who do our best to understand our patterns and tendencies, our
pain and our yearnings, so that we can take responsibility for our lives. And
we want you to do the same. We all wage this internal battle to
some degree: Child or adult? Safety or freedom? And no matter where we fall on
those continuums, ultimately, every decision we make is based around two
things: fear and love. Sometimes fear wins, and sometimes love does, and
sometimes it’s wise to listen to the fear, other times to the love. If there’s
one thing your therapist is trying to show you, it’s how to tell the two apart.
And she’s showing you by asking you to practice listening to yourself so that
you can use those feelings like a compass to point yourself in the best
possible direction. Therapists may not give advice, but
we do give guidance. And if there’s one thing your therapist knows, it’s that
the most powerful truths — the ones people take the most seriously — are those
they come to on their own. |
This is your brain on gambling...
Posted on June 22, 2017 at 9:03 PM |
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How the Brain Gets Addicted to Gambling Ferris Jabr 10-13 minutes When Shirley was in her mid-20s she
and some friends road-tripped to Las Vegas on a lark. That was the first time
she gambled. Around a decade later, while working as an attorney on the East
Coast, she would occasionally sojourn in Atlantic City. By her late 40s,
however, she was skipping work four times a week to visit newly opened casinos
in Connecticut. She played blackjack almost exclusively, often risking
thousands of dollars each round—then scrounging under her car seat for 35 cents
to pay the toll on the way home. Ultimately, Shirley bet every dime she earned
and maxed out multiple credit cards. “I wanted to gamble all the time,” she
says. “I loved it—I loved that high I felt.” In 2001 the law intervened. Shirley
was convicted of stealing a great deal of money from her clients and spent two
years in prison. Along the way she started attending Gamblers Anonymous
meetings, seeing a therapist and remaking her life. “I realized I had become
addicted,” she says. “It took me a long time to say I was an addict, but I was,
just like any other.” Ten years ago the idea that someone
could become addicted to a habit like gambling the way a person gets hooked on
a drug was controversial. Back then, Shirley's counselors never told her she
was an addict; she decided that for herself. Now researchers agree that in some
cases gambling is a true addiction. In the past, the psychiatric
community generally regarded pathological gambling as more of a compulsion than
an addiction—a behavior primarily motivated by the need to relieve anxiety
rather than a craving for intense pleasure. In the 1980s, while updating the Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the American
Psychiatric Association (APA) officially classified pathological gambling as an
impulse-control disorder—a fuzzy label for a group of somewhat related
illnesses that, at the time, included kleptomania, pyromania and
trichotillomania (hairpulling). In what has come to be regarded as a landmark
decision, the association moved pathological gambling to the addictions chapter
in the manual's latest edition, the DSM-5, published this past May. The
decision, which followed 15 years of deliberation, reflects a new understanding
of the biology underlying addiction and has already changed the way
psychiatrists help people who cannot stop gambling. More effective treatment is
increasingly necessary because gambling is more acceptable and accessible than
ever before. Four in five Americans say they have gambled at least once in
their lives. With the exception of Hawaii and Utah, every state in the country
offers some form of legalized gambling. And today you do not even need to leave
your house to gamble—all you need is an Internet connection or a phone. Various
surveys have determined that around two million people in the U.S. are addicted
to gambling, and for as many as 20 million citizens the habit seriously
interferes with work and social life. Two of a Kind The APA based its decision on
numerous recent studies in psychology, neuroscience and genetics demonstrating
that gambling and drug addiction are far more similar than previously realized.
Research in the past two decades has dramatically improved neuroscientists'
working model of how the brain changes as an addiction develops. In the middle of our cranium, a
series of circuits known as the reward system links various scattered brain
regions involved in memory, movement, pleasure and motivation. When we engage
in an activity that keeps us alive or helps us pass on our genes, neurons in
the reward system squirt out a chemical messenger called dopamine, giving us a
little wave of satisfaction and encouraging us to make a habit of enjoying
hearty meals and romps in the sack. When stimulated by amphetamine, cocaine or
other addictive drugs, the reward system disperses up to 10 times more dopamine
than usual. Continuous
use of such drugs robs them of their power to induce euphoria. Addictive
substances keep the brain so awash in dopamine that it eventually adapts by
producing less of the molecule and becoming less responsive to its effects. As
a consequence, addicts build up a tolerance to a drug, needing larger and
larger amounts to get high. In severe addiction, people also go through
withdrawal—they feel physically ill, cannot sleep and shake uncontrollably—if
their brain is deprived of a dopamine-stimulating substance for too long. At
the same time, neural pathways connecting the reward circuit to the prefrontal
cortex weaken. Resting just above and behind the eyes, the prefrontal cortex
helps people tame impulses. In other words, the more an addict uses a drug, the
harder it becomes to stop. Research
to date shows that pathological gamblers and drug addicts share many of the
same genetic predispositions for impulsivity and reward seeking. Just as
substance addicts require increasingly strong hits to get high, compulsive
gamblers pursue ever riskier ventures. Likewise, both drug addicts and problem
gamblers endure symptoms of withdrawal when separated from the chemical or
thrill they desire. And a few studies suggest that some
people are especially vulnerable to both drug addiction and compulsive gambling
because their reward circuitry is inherently underactive—which may partially
explain why they seek big thrills in the first place. Even more compelling,
neuroscientists have learned that drugs and gambling alter many of the same
brain circuits in similar ways. These insights come from studies of blood flow
and electrical activity in people's brains as they complete various tasks on
computers that either mimic casino games or test their impulse control. In some
experiments, virtual cards selected from different decks earn or lose a player
money; other tasks challenge someone to respond quickly to certain images that flash
on a screen but not to react to others. A 2005 German study using such a
card game suggests problem gamblers—like drug addicts—have lost sensitivity to
their high: when winning, subjects had lower than typical electrical activity
in a key region of the brain's reward system. In a 2003 study at Yale
University and a 2012 study at the University of Amsterdam, pathological
gamblers taking tests that measured their impulsivity had unusually low levels
of electrical activity in prefrontal brain regions that help people assess
risks and suppress instincts. Drug addicts also often have a listless
prefrontal cortex. Further evidence that gambling and
drugs change the brain in similar ways surfaced in an unexpected group of
people: those with the neurodegenerative disorder Parkinson's disease.
Characterized by muscle stiffness and tremors, Parkinson's is caused by the
death of dopamine-producing neurons in a section of the midbrain. Over the
decades researchers noticed that a remarkably high number of Parkinson's patients—between
2 and 7 percent—are compulsive gamblers. Treatment for one disorder most likely
contributes to another. To ease symptoms of Parkinson's, some patients take
levodopa and other drugs that increase dopamine levels. Researchers think that
in some cases the resulting chemical influx modifies the brain in a way that
makes risks and rewards—say, those in a game of poker—more appealing and rash
decisions more difficult to resist. A
new understanding of compulsive gambling has also helped scientists redefine
addiction itself. Whereas experts used to think of addiction as dependency on a
chemical, they now define it as repeatedly pursuing a rewarding experience
despite serious repercussions. That
experience could be the high of cocaine or heroin or the thrill of doubling
one's money at the casino. “The past idea was that you need to ingest a drug
that changes neurochemistry in the brain to get addicted, but we now know that
just about anything we do alters the brain,” says Timothy Fong, a psychiatrist and
addiction expert at the University of California, Los Angeles. “It makes sense
that some highly rewarding behaviors, like gambling, can cause dramatic
[physical] changes, too.” Gaming the System Redefining compulsive gambling as an
addiction is not mere semantics: therapists have already found that
pathological gamblers respond much better to medication and therapy typically
used for addictions rather than strategies for taming compulsions such as
trichotillomania. For reasons that remain unclear, certain antidepressants
alleviate the symptoms of some impulse-control disorders; they have never
worked as well for pathological gambling, however. Medications used to treat
substance addictions have proved much more effective. Opioid antagonists, such
as naltrexone, indirectly inhibit brain cells from producing dopamine, thereby
reducing cravings. Dozens of studies confirm that
another effective treatment for addiction is cognitive-behavior therapy, which
teaches people to resist unwanted thoughts and habits. Gambling addicts may,
for example, learn to confront irrational beliefs, namely the notion that a
string of losses or a near miss—such as two out of three cherries on a slot
machine—signals an imminent win. Unfortunately, researchers estimate
that more than 80 percent of gambling addicts never seek treatment in the first
place. And of those who do, up to 75 percent return to the gaming halls, making
prevention all the more important. Around the U.S.—particularly in
California—casinos are taking gambling addiction seriously. Marc Lefkowitz of
the California Council on Problem Gambling regularly trains casino managers and
employees to keep an eye out for worrisome trends, such as customers who spend
increasing amounts of time and money gambling. He urges casinos to give
gamblers the option to voluntarily ban themselves and to prominently display
brochures about Gamblers Anonymous and other treatment options near ATM
machines and pay phones. A gambling addict may be a huge source of revenue for
a casino at first, but many end up owing massive debts they cannot pay. Shirley, now 60, currently works as
a peer counselor in a treatment program for gambling addicts. “I'm not against
gambling,” she says. “For most people it's expensive entertainment. But for some
people it's a dangerous product. I want people to understand that you really
can get addicted. I'd like to see every casino out there take responsibility.” This article was originally
published with the title "Gambling on the Brain" |
Seven Good Reasons to Blame Your Partner (And Why None of Them Are Good Enough)
Posted on June 4, 2017 at 3:20 PM |
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Seven Good Reasons to Blame Your Partner (And Why None
of Them Are Good Enough) Robert Solley Reason
#7 — It’s Easy! Under stress it’s often easier to
see what someone else is doing wrong than what you are doing wrong. It’s easier
to see the food stuck in your partner’s teeth than your own. To see your own
you would first need to locate a mirror and then look into it. And then you
would need to open your lips to be able to see your own teeth. And we’re not
even talking yet about finding the motivation to locate and look in the mirror,
much less to expose the ugly condition of your teeth to yourself. Reason
#6 — It’s Fun Well, OK, maybe not fun fun.
But it feels good at some level. At it’s worst, blaming someone else feels good
in a vengeful, “I gotcha” kind of way. More often there’s a venting,
energy-release part that’s somewhat satisfying. But then there’s another part
feels not-so-good, in an out-of-control, guilty kind of way. However, even the
bad part of this feeling may be more comfortable than it should be. For
example, how you would you feel right at that point if you really took
responsibility for whatever part of the conflict was yours. Because there’s almost always some part that’s yours. To really take responsibility you
might have to fight through a wall of shame. In the moment, that would be
painful — to really acknowledge that you did something wrong, were bad, screwed
up, were unthinking, or whatever it might be. See Reason #5! Reason
#5 — Accepting Responsibility and Feeling Bad Are Hard This is a corollary to Reason 2.
What makes accepting responsibility especially hard is shame, which most of us
feel to varying degrees (psychopaths are an exception). This is the feeling
that fundamentally we aren’t good enough as human beings, that we’re flawed,
inadequate, broken, defective…need I say more? So if we start to accept the
idea that we might have done something a little wrong, for some it can tap into
this big pool of “I’m all bad.” And that just feels awful! Since the
function of shame in society is to act as a sanction against violating
important social norms, it leaves one feeling alone. At its worst you can feel
totally isolated in your badness, cut off from any possibility of love from
anyone else, for eternity. Wow, no wonder it feels better to blame your
partner! But wait, there’s more… Reason
#4 — We’ve Been Taught All Our Lives to Blame Starting as little kids we were
taught right and wrong — and especially wrong. First by our parents, and then
by our teachers through the long years of school into adulthood. Right and
wrong behaviors, right and wrong answers, right and wrong everything. That
highlighted and underscored those feelings of shame for the most significant,
tender formative years of our lives (to say nothing of adulthood). We also
learned that if you can successfully deny it, or push the responsibility off
onto someone else then you don’t have to feel that shame as much. “I didn’t do
it, Gertrude did!” Reason
#3 — We Use Ourselves As the Standard We each tend to think that “The way
I do it is the best way.” Of course! We’ve spent our whole lives improving on
(or working against) what our parents taught us, so this must be the way to do
it! Perhaps the only way to do it! “If you would only do it my way!”
Well, it turns out there are lots of ways to do things, and in many cases
either it doesn’t really matter, different conditions may demand different
ways, or at any rate it’s probably not worth losing your relationship over. But
giving up ideas, beliefs, or ways of doing things, can be scary. It can feel
like something terrible would happen, or you might lose yourself. Reason
#2 — It’s Hard to Fully Accept That Your Partner Is a Different Person This is a corollary to #3. Things
would seemingly be much easier and smoother if your partner just thought about
and did things the way you do. But your partner is a different person, with his
or her own ideas, personality, and habits. At some level we’re aware of this,
but too often if our partners do something differently from how we would, we
feel anger and frustration. And we bolster our anger will all manner of
justifications and rationalizations. “But my way really is better. No,
really.” And sometimes it is. But how much of the time is it worth sacrificing your
relationship for being right, or wanting your partner to respond the same way
you do? Coming to terms with those
differences can be painful, can make you feel separate from them, can scare you
that maybe you and your partner are too different after all. But it can also
bring you closer in the long run if you can talk about and learn to accept each
other’s differences. Reason
#1 — It’s Animal Nature to Bite Back When we feel criticized or blamed
it’s natural to criticize or blame back. This is an extension of our protective
reflex to attack sources of physical threat or pain. So it makes perfect sense
that when we are hurt emotionally we would try to hurt back in an effort to
relieve our own pain. This instinct may be one of the most powerful forces
behind blame, and especially the kind of reflexive retaliatory blame that gets
us stuck in miserable escalating fights. Our best intentions can be little
match against mother nature’s hard-wiring. But again, we can become more
self-aware, learn the signals that precede blaming, and do something else
instead. Why
None of These Reasons Are Good Enough Think of a time when you have felt
blamed or criticized. Remember how it felt inside? Think of a time when you
were in a fight with your partner. Chances are, at least part of what you were
feeling was blamed, criticized, hurt, and angry. Now think of how you felt the
next day or perhaps days later (assuming that you did have some recovery from
that fight). Remember how much more clearly you could think about the topics,
how much broader your perspective was? Remember how much more you could think
about your partner’s point of view in a more open way? Perhaps you were even
able to come to some resolution with your partner in that calmer place. If not,
or if it’s hard to even get to a calmer, clearer place after a day or so, then
perhaps the pain you are causing each other is becoming chronic and this would
be a good time to seek counseling. When we feel blamed, criticized, or
misunderstood, the feelings of hurt and anger take over our minds and bodies,
making it almost impossible to have a decent conversation. Not only are we
unable to think clearly, but it becomes much more difficult to really listen to
our partners. Furthermore — since it is natural to retaliate in an effort to
get relief from the pain, we strike back, inducing all of those same bad feelings
that we are having in our partner. So now we are both not only impaired, but
caught in an unpleasant cycle with each other that’s only getting worse. Knowing how bad it feels to feel
blamed or criticized, and knowing how it cripples the conversation and
relationship, wouldn’t it seem worthwhile to learn to retrain those reflexes?
Here are two alternatives to think about next time:
Learn to catch your blaming tendencies before they come out
and hurt someone — especially your partner. |
Why Is Therapy So Expensive?
Posted on May 7, 2017 at 4:13 PM |
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Why Is Therapy So Expensive? Nicole Pajer After a bout of breakup-induced
anxiety and depression, 31-year-old New York City resident Emily Taylor decided
to look for a therapist. But finding a mental health professional to accept her
Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield insurance plan proved to be nearly
impossible. “I spent days looking for therapists
near me that were covered by my insurance,” Taylor said. “For the very few I
did find, I spent over five hours on the phone trying to get appointments,
[only] to find that they were either not accepting new patients or the wait
time was two months.” Taylor was able to locate plenty of
highly reviewed therapists available for private pay, however. But since the
average cost of therapy in New York is $200 to $300 per session, according to one report, that wasn’t a practical solution. Many people struggle to find
talk-based therapy that’s covered by their insurance plans. Of all
practicing medical professionals, therapists are the least likely to take
insurance. Only 55 percent of psychiatrists accept insurance plans, compared to
89 percent of other health care providers, like cardiologists, dermatologists
and podiatrists, according to a 2014 study
published in JAMA Psychiatry. *Note:
While you may find it hard to find a therapist who will take your
insurance, there is a good chance that therapists asking to be on your panel
are being told, by your company, that there are no openings as they have enough
coverage. This has been my experience in
Encino. With this in mind, I have tried to keep my fees reasonable.---Alan Rudolph That’s a big problem, since
approximately 1 in 5 Americans will experience some sort of mental health
disorder in a given year, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Many will also seek counseling for divorce or grief. Treatment is highly individualized,
but experts agree that talk therapy is the gold standard for treating
psychiatric problems. A 2015 study revealed
that cognitive behavioral therapies were just as effective as antidepressants
for treating depression. So why is therapy so unaffordable
for so many people? And why don’t more mental health professionals work with
third party payers? It turns out several factors contribute to making therapy
unaffordable ― many outside individual clinicians’ control. Insurance
systems don’t support therapists’ diagnoses. Poor insurance coverage for therapy
is largely a reflection of how society views mental health, says licensed
psychologist Candice Ackerman. “Insurance companies tend to see
things more from a medical perspective ― where if you get sick, for example,
then you take a blood test, they figure out what is wrong with you, they give
you a medication and then you are all better,” Ackerman explained. “But with mental health,” she
continued, “a lot of times what we are trying to do is preventative
maintenance-type work, and it makes it a lot more difficult to justify medical
necessity with insurance companies.” On the website for Ackerman’s practice in Lakeway, Texas, she explicitly states that some of the
professionals there do not accept insurance because she wants to avoid
surprising patients. Even when insurance companies
consider a mental health diagnosis a valid billable condition, the coverage may
only be temporary. Jennifer Chen, 38, a freelance writer in Los Angeles, is
waiting to hear whether her insurance company will continue to cover her
therapy, since she’s no longer clinically diagnosed as “depressed.” “After seeking talk therapy
treatment for depression for four years, my mental health insurance provider is
reviewing my case to determine if I still need coverage,” she said. In other words, Chen’s insurance
company may determine that she is well enough to forgo therapy, even if it’s
the reason she is well. “My therapist will be attending a
review board where the insurance company will discuss my case and make a final
decision if my coverage will end or not,” Chen said. “Currently, my
insurance covers about 50 percent of my therapist’s fee. If my coverage ends,
then I’ll have to consider discussing a sliding scale fee or reduced therapy
sessions.” Insurers are starting to feel the
frustration as well. “There is a well-documented national shortage of
behavioral health providers generally ― and in health plan networks
specifically ― resulting in patients having to pay out-of-pocket for treatment
or forgo it altogether,” said Cathryn Donaldson, a spokeswoman for America’s Health Insurance Plans,
an insurance company trade organization. Therapists honestly
can’t afford to accept insurance. The gap between a therapist’s hourly
fee and the reimbursement rates they receive from insurance companies can be
massive. “I’ve seen it lower than $50 a
session,” Ackerman explains. “I charge $140 a session, so that would be a major
blow in terms of income for us.” “We can’t sustain our practices when
that kind of value is put on mental health,” she added. While $140 per session sounds steep,
Ackerman says it helps cover $2,500 a month in rent, the cost of business and
malpractice insurance, advertising, office equipment and credit card processing
fees. And like many of her colleagues, Ackerman has accrued massive student
debt. “I was in school for 10 years, and at this point, my debt is six
figures!” she said. “Therapists are health care
professionals that all have master’s degrees or higher. Many have doctorates,
medical degrees, and [have] graduated from specialized institutes for the
teaching of psychotherapy,” said Dr. Thomas Franklin, medical director at the
Retreat at Sheppard Pratt, a residential psychotherapy facility in
Baltimore. “Lawyers, accountants and architects
generally make $120-$400 per hour or more,” he added. “One should expect to pay
the same for therapy from a competent, highly trained professional.” Therapists are in a no-win position,
says Arika Pierce at the Coalition for Patients’ Rights, an organization for
non-M.D. health care providers. “Therapists are almost forced to charge the
patient directly because they are not able to be reimbursed at equitable rates
as their counterparts that have M.D. or D.O. behind their name,” she
said. Pierce says her organization is
continuously advocating to change this to benefit non-physician licensed health
care professionals and their patients. “More equitable rates across all
health care professionals would allow patients to have greater choice and
access in terms of their health care decisions,” she said. Therapists are almost forced to charge the patient directly
because they are not able to be reimbursed at equitable rates. Arika Pierce,
spokeswoman for the Coalition for Patients’ Rights Filling
out insurance paperwork is a full-time job. It’s a Catch-22: To keep overhead
low, many therapists don’t hire staff or assistants. But without them, the job
of working with insurance companies is overwhelming. “Many people who work in mental
health don’t have the volume of patients that primary care [physicians] might
have,” said Dr. Lynn Bufka, an associate executive director at the American Psychological
Association. “They might see seven or
eight patients max in a day, where a primary care practice might see many more
and also have dedicated staff who handle billing and who are very familiar with
what the requirements are with all the different payers out there.” Submitting a bill to an insurance
company can involve jumping through an array of hoops, according to Ackerman,
including justifying your services to an insurance representative, providing
status report updates and getting on the phone with providers to track down
late payments. This can be particularly complicated
because not everyone who sees a therapist has a diagnosable mental illness. “Common reasons for coming to
therapy, like couples counseling and grief counseling, are typically not
covered by insurance,” said Ackerman. In other cases, the diagnosis may be
controversial in the field. “I have a client with dissociative identity
disorder, which is formally known as multiple personality disorder,” Ackerman
added. “I don’t know if that would get reimbursement, just because it’s a
controversial diagnosis.” Some
therapists say it’s helpful to accept insurance. Not everyone agrees that accepting
insurance is impossible. Dr. Patti Johnson has dealt with her share of insurance issues ―
excessive paperwork, late payment and the hassle of continuously submitting her
clients for coverage authorization. But the Los Angeles psychologist, who is
currently maxed out with her patient load, finds that accepting insurance helps
keep her schedule full, and along with patient referrals, allows her to sustain
a lucrative private practice. “Individuals generally check with
their insurance companies when looking for referrals to a therapist. This
is a positive and easy way for clients to know about you and your services
without a large marketing budget,” she said. Johnson also notes that allowing
patients to bill their insurance opens up her client base to people of all
income levels. “Most people can’t easily afford to pay $600 to $800 a
month for weekly therapy, and without the ability to use insurance, they
wouldn’t be able to get the care they need,” she explained. Therapists
and patients have to make hard choices. To make it more feasible for
psychiatrists to take insurance, the American Psychological Association would
like to see therapy become a standard part of integrative health. So instead of
a fee-for-service model, payment would be based on treating a particular
condition. (In other words, patients would pay a lump sum rather than a
payment every time a service is performed.) “If it were up to me, our health
systems would allow three or four appointments with a mental health provider
every year, no questions asked, no need for a specific diagnosis,” the APA’s
Bufka said. This kind of yearly care could help
patients address small problems before they grow into bigger ones. For example,
a person could learn how to better manage their sleep, work with an anxious
child or navigate a complication at work. This would probably lead to better
mental and physical well-being, Bufka said, but the current billing system
doesn’t support it. For now, the insurance conundrum for
therapists remains. “You struggle with wanting to help people that come to you
that seem that they need it, but also keep your lights on in your office and
make a profit,” Ackerman said. Taylor eventually gave in and signed
up for sessions with a highly recommended psychologist who charges $250 an
hour. “I’m feeling so much better and am
still going, because it’s helpful,” she explained. But even though she thinks
her treatment is worth the price, she hopes to cut down her sessions soon. “I’ve gone about five months and
paid about $5,000 out of pocket,” she said. “I just don’t have the money. I
used my whole Christmas bonus to help with the costs.” As part of May’s Mental Health
Awareness Month, we’re focusing on treatment and the stigma around getting
help. Check out our coverage here and share your story at [email protected]. |
Living Life, One Day at a Time
Posted on November 14, 2016 at 11:35 AM |
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Living Life, One Day at a Time Whether you're in
recovery or not, the mantra"one day at a time"can
help to keep your feet on the ground. Really, our only option is to
take things one day at a time.
But, some days, living life one day at a time can feel incredibly
frustrating. We want to be "better" or "recovered"
or changed in some way right now. Daily progress feels slow. We
get impatient. Why can't the bright future you imagine just be here
already?
Instant gratification is only short-lived happiness. Our deepest
satisfaction comes from consistent work and daily effort. A true
metamorphosis, an authentic transformation, takes time.
Embrace the process of change - whether you're new to recovery or years
and decades along in the journey. No one is static. Every person is
every-changing. You have compiled countless experiences, mistakes, and
achievements that make you who you are today.
This moment right now is shaping who you will be tomorrow. So, enjoy
it. Live it. One day is full of a million chances. Reprinted from
SoberNation.com |
The power of vulnerability
Posted on September 21, 2014 at 10:42 AM |
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Looking to get more from life? This video can help: |
Therapy: The long and the short of it
Posted on July 10, 2012 at 1:16 PM |
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There is a changing trend in therapy. Time was a client entering therapy could
expect, and perhaps fear, a long stay. I
think being trapped in therapy was
dreaded by many and kept some from going to therapy despite a need for help. Today the field of therapy has accepted a reality that many come to therapy because
they are experiencing a problem that they need help with, yet are not wanting a
long term excavation of their psyche. I believe that this is a positive change and have seen a
change in my practice. Many come in
times of need, ending when things are working better, and return months or
years later when another need arises. That said, I think that something of value may have been
lost in this process, like the baby with the bath water. How many of us are content with who we are? Maybe we aren't having the relationships we want, or the
career success. These problems sometimes
require deeper reflection and the courage to own areas of difficulty. Why did someone else get the promotion? Why do the girls I want always seem to fall
for someone else? We wrestle with ourselves.
Therapy can help. |
Why isn't a man more like a woman?
Posted on June 22, 2012 at 1:42 PM |
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My clients and I spend a lot of time looking at why their partners don't do what they expect. Simply put, men and women are very different. Here is an article by Laura Schaefer that helps explain differences: The Male Brain, Explained By Laura Schaefer Women
have puzzled over it for years—why the heck do men do the things they do? Why
do they profess their love for you one minute, then ignore you the next (say,
when an Attila the Hun special turns up on TV)? Why can they not remember our
birthdays? Let science explain some of these conundrums—and help you rev up
your relationships! Be patient with his memory
The hippocampus, where initial memories are formed, occupies a smaller percent
of the male brain than the female brain. If on your first date he can't
remember where you work, even though you told him all about it when you met,
just remember that size matters … hippocampus size, that is. Don't take it
personally. (Oh, and don't be surprised when, months down the line, he has no
clue you've just changed your hair.) Don't expect him to get hints
Have a crush on him? You may have to put it out there, because men aren't as
skilled at women at reading subtle emotional cues. As Dr. Larry Cahill of the
University of California at Irvine puts it, "We have been assuming that
the ways in which emotions are organized in the brain are essentially similar
in men and women," but they aren't. Parts of the limbic cortex, which is
involved in emotional responses, are smaller in men than in women.
Additionally, scientists at McMaster University have found that guys have a
smaller density of neurons in areas of the temporal lobe that deal with
language processing. That's why it's probably a good idea to tell him
straight-up how you're feeling ("I'm kind of hurt that you forgot I hate
sushi"). Expecting him to infer from your hints could leave both of you
scratching your heads. Don't take conversation lulls personally
Fact is, guys in general just aren't as verbally adept as women are. Large
parts of the cortex — the brain's outer layer that does a big part of
recognizing and using subtle language cues — are thinner in men than they are
in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns Hopkins University has
shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal lobes that play an important
role in language processing are significantly smaller in men. Using MRIs, the
Johns Hopkins scientists measured gray matter volumes in several brain regions
in 17 females and 43 males. Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the
dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the
superior temporal cortex. "Women," explains Dr. Cahill, "excel
in being able to come up with appropriate words, given cues." Men — not so
much. Don't expect him to chatter with you on dates with the skill of a
girlfriend, and don't assume he's not interested in you if he occasionally lets
the conversation lapse. Think of it this way: He's simply basking in moments of
quiet companionship. Appreciate his naturally upbeat nature
Does he seem to be "up" most of the time? It's not your imagination:
Male brains produce 52 percent more serotonin (the chemical that influences
mood) than female brains, according to a study done at McGill University. And
studies show that fewer men than women suffer from depression. Guys may also
have an easier time rolling with life's big stresses. If he tells you he
recently lost his golden lab or suffered a job loss and doesn't get all teary,
it doesn't mean he's heartless; rather, he has healthy stores of serotonin. Don't expect his take on your relationship history to match yours
He may be incapable of seeing your shared past the way you do. Brain images
have started to show that men and women use their brains in vastly different
ways. For example, women use the left part of the amygdala — the part of the
brain that creates emotional reactions to events — to put memories in order by
emotional strength, meaning that something emotionally important to them (like
a great first date a couple of months ago) will be ordered in front of what
they ate for breakfast yesterday. Men, however, use the right part of the
amygdala to put memories in order. Traditionally, the right hemisphere of the
brain is associated with the central action of an event, while the left
hemisphere is associated with finer details. Translation: You'll both remember
your first date, but he might not remember the color of your sweater or the
light rain that was falling that night. It doesn't mean he was checked out; it
just means he's a guy. Remember his brain is his largest sex organ
In males of several species including humans, the preoptic area of the
hypothalamus is greater in volume, in cross-sectional area and in the number of
cells. In men, this area is more than two times larger than in women, and it
contains twice as many cells. And what, say you, does this have to do with the
horizontal mambo? Plenty. This area of the hypothalamus is in charge of mating
behavior. This
small structure connects to the pituitary gland, which releases sex hormones.
So if your bf wants to get intimate all the time and you feel like Ms. Low
Desire, remember: You're just experiencing normal, brain-based differences. Laura Schaefer is the author of Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor:
The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time. For the other side of this
story, read .
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, . |
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